No.
I refuse to accept that I am responsible for all this. That one gets from the environment as one gives. That there is no one else to blame.
I cant help the way things are or have been, its your life, you went thru what you did and suffered cause of it, I have nothing to do with it. I just happen to be at this place now.
I am tired of these excruciating assaults on my feelings. Till now I kept using mind manipulation to figure a way out: how to not expect, how to let be, how to not retaliate, how to try and heal by myself. Don’t want to anymore. Refuse to look at my positive convictions, let alone stare them in the eye. Don’t want to be true to what i want to be but am not. Don’t want to be deceptive or be in denial. I refuse to succumb to my need to belong or my fear of rejection. Don’t want to rationalize anymore.
Want to give in to the need to strike back, to take an eye for an eye, to regress to a primal level and scream back, to hurt and maim and to be your reflection. And this time nothing is going to hold me back: Not my fear of confrontation, not my need for companionship or my innate civility. I am now ready to stoop as low as you have, maybe lower. ..
posted by goldfluke @ 7:02 PM
4 Comments:
trying to decide whether to give you a big hug or a long lecture... maybe I will come back when i decide...
but as you say its not about the writer but about the writing....
love the writing....
"to be your reflection": wow
i agree with nowhere girl. the writing is mind blowing. as for 'the story' ... its so wonderfully brought alive and real that u can blame ur readers for forgetting its 'just another story' :)
maybe i just identify with this iperson a lot - the character / hero - when he says specially, "hold me back: Not my fear of confrontation, not my need for companionship or my innate civility. I am now ready to stoop as low as you have, maybe lower"
and
"Don’t want to be deceptive or be in denial. I refuse to succumb to my need to belong or my fear of rejection. Don’t want to rationalize anymore"
maybe identification is what great writingis abt. dunno. this is even better than ur last post. it made me want to cry with the charecter, tell him i have been there, that there is no point, that the only way is to save ur skin and run before the poison being poured on him penetrates to deep
Great writing, Boy. Great post.
:)
This is a buildungsroman totally. And you're the protagnist. Is this a self discovery and realisation?
Writng leads to this.As I see it,constant penning down of one's thoughts drive individuals to come closer to the vision they have of themseleves.The process inspires/motivates you to go the distance,piece of writing certainly does.
Anguish and frustration result in constant conflict cause me to sometimes think wether or not I will come in to my own. Mostly it's escapism rather than confrontation that leads to it.
The journey for me is yet to begin...
forever an escapist. butterfly effect is a stupid movie. great concept.
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